I have ADHD and OCD. Here’s what a weekend getaway looks like for me.

Alice Wolfe, 29, is a freelance writer, studio assistant, and producer based in Portland, Oregon. She lives for cold river dips, time spent with friends and family, and a really good martini.

Day 1

7:15 a.m. Alarm goes off. I hit snooze.

7:45 a.m. I get up, and feel guilty for snoozing my alarm every eight minutes for the last half hour. Getting ready for my day, I do a million things at once. I’m fixated on optimizing my time. I start making coffee, brush my teeth while boiling water, pick up cups left out from the night before with my toothbrush still in my mouth, and grab the cat food bag with my one free hand. This rushing inevitably leads to me dropping something, spilling, stubbing a toe, and burning my eggs.

9:00 a.m. After breakfast, I debate whether to stay home to write or go to a coffee shop. As someone with ADHD and OCD, it can be tough to self-motivate, let alone stay on task. I decide that if I stay home, I’ll likely be too distracted by cleaning or a random project. I’ll move from my desk to the kitchen table and then to the couch. I’ll pet our cat, realize I should brush her, worry about her dental health, check my calendar for her next vet appointment, and waste 20 minutes. So, I get ready to leave. 

9:30 a.m. I sit outside at the coffee shop with my tea. Some OCD thoughts present themselves — loudly. I’m wearing shorts, and don’t like my skin touching random surfaces. Feeling my thighs on the metal chair causes a little stress. My therapist recommends small amounts of exposure therapy, so I decide to push myself and allow skin-and-chair contact. My heart rate rises a little. The overthinking sets in. Who else has sat on this chair? No one cleans chairs, do they? The sun helps disinfect, right? I push through and feel better for it.

10:00 a.m. I look over the 20 open tabs on my laptop and start working on an article about a local winery. 

2:00 p.m. After getting a few hours of work in, peppered with occasional distractions, I walk home.

3:00 p.m. I do some chores, but I need to listen to a podcast or talk on the phone to a friend while doing them. It’s rare that I can be in my head alone, quietly. It helps my overactive brain to listen to podcasts that are low-stakes and fun — things I can zone in and out of.

8:00 p.m. After making dinner, I watch a movie with my partner. I can’t sit still or get comfortable, but it helps to knit or do something with my hands. I get up for a snack. I go to the bathroom. I pick up our sweet cat. I move off the couch onto the ottoman. Then off the ottoman, onto the floor, and back to the couch. 

11:00 p.m. I get a burst of energy before bed and usually need to watch a sitcom I know and love to quiet my brain. I’m asleep by midnight.

Day 2 

8:30 a.m. Today is Saturday. My partner and I are heading out for an overnight stay at a cute B&B nearby.

9:30 a.m. Getting out of the house can be tough. But due to my people-pleasing tendencies, I’m usually relatively on time. I think about this as I get ready and wonder whether part of the reason ADHD often goes undetected in women is because society tells us we need to people-please. We need to be on time, organized, put together, and sociable. With no one to disappoint but myself, I would certainly be running late. 

10:30 a.m. We’re finally off. We put on music in the car and start chatting, but I can’t focus. I often struggle to have a coherent conversation or effectively express myself while there’s other stimulation. We turn the music off and enjoy the drive.

12:00 p.m. We’re almost there, and my OCD kicks in. Staying in hotels and Airbnbs can be triggering for me. I struggle when I’m unable to control the space we’re in, so anticipating our arrival gets me a little anxious.

12:30 p.m. We arrive and check in early. I’m very particular about where the suitcases can go. I need to check the bed to make sure it’s clean. I don’t like to have bare feet on the hotel floor. When I’m in the midst of OCD-fueled stress, I don’t feel like myself. My many needs can feel exhausting for both me and my partner. And I feel guilty about asking him to abide by my (often irrational) rules. He’s willing to help — but understandably, he has his limits. I actively decide to work through my discomfort so we don’t get bogged down.

1:00 p.m. We decide to read our books on the outdoor patio. ADHD gets in my way. My partner is able to sit next to me, completely focused on the novel he’s reading, but I’m distracted by someone else’s conversation. Unable to retain anything I’m reading, I go over the same paragraph four times before I give up.

2:00 p.m. We go for a hike along the river. Being in nature calms me down. The sound of the water is just the right amount of stimulation. My brain feels settled.

7:30 p.m. On the walk to dinner, I see a woman wearing cute black leather sandals. I quickly type “best black leather sandals women’s” into Google on my phone. I’m easily distracted and operate with a sense of urgency, which often means getting sidetracked by things like this. I spend a minute or two looking at sandals I will likely never buy. 

8:00 p.m. Dinner is delicious, but my partner lovingly teases me for how I keep jumping from one topic to the next. I take a deep breath, laughing, and slow down, trying to live in the moment more.

10:00 p.m. We call it an early night.

Day 3

9:00 a.m. We laze around in bed for a while. I feel about as relaxed as I can in an unfamiliar hotel room. We brush our teeth, and, like every morning and night, I take my OCD medication. Taking medication has been a game-changer. I still have certain tics and intrusive thoughts. But for the most part, my panicky, extreme overthinking is behind me. The ADHD and OCD combination can be tricky when it comes to medication. Though my psychiatrist says it’s doable, it could be hard on my brain to onboard medication for both. So for now, I work through my ADHD symptoms unmedicated. 

2:00 p.m. After a great breakfast at the B&B, we’re home again. Unpacking is challenging, and OCD takes over. I put our clothes straight in the wash, keep the suitcases in the basement, and take a long, hot shower. I feel grateful for a partner who is patient with my process, but who also pushes me to challenge my intrusive thoughts and compulsions. 

4:00 p.m. We’ve settled in and decide to get an early drink at a wine bar with friends. We’re having a great time chatting, but I realize I completely shredded my paper napkin. One of my funnier, relatively manageable ADHD symptoms is constant fidgeting. I also notice that I’ve taken my hair in and out of its ponytail at least three times since sitting down — plus I put on lip balm four times and hand lotion twice. 

6:00 p.m. We’re home for dinner. My partner is cooking, so I do some other household chores. I fold the laundry while listening to a book on tape, doing standing leg lifts, and thinking about the week ahead. I have unsettled, misplaced energy, so I do a little workout and feel soothed. 

8:00 p.m. Dinner, an episode of our current TV obsession, and we settle into bed. Despite some OCD flare-ups and moments of feeling limited by ADHD, the weekend was perfect.